Why Donald Trump is Awesome!!!

Controversial title, I know. But, hear me out. More than Barack Obama, Michael Jordan, Samuel L. Jackson… Donald Trump is my hero. He shown himself to be an egotistical, megalomaniacal, sexist, crass, racist, money swindling, money losing, parodied, not-to-be-really-taken-seriously however a worthy candidate for the highest office in the free world, with less than a tenth of a hundredth of the experience of the last two (well… one and a half, I want to believe Bernie, I do. But, look at the numbers bro!) candidates.

It’s as if he work up one day and said to himself, “Man… I’ve made a billion. I’ve lost a billion. My withered, wrinkled, grey-haired sack has been in the mouths of hot Russian women who are younger than my daughter. I’ve shamelessly jumped on the reality show bandwagon by making a shitty program that was on one of the big three networks no less, where I’ve had ‘celebrities’ bow down to me for an ‘apprenticeship’ at one of my many shell corporations. There was even that thing in Thailand that I actually got away with!!! But you know what I haven’t done yet…?”

Yes, that man is the ultimate dream-come-true story for me. He is the reason why I went from absolutely having nothing to do with civil litigation to actually being so bold as to go toe-to-toe with a major corporation and their bevy of tenured, savvy attorneys. I’ve made thousands. I lost thousands. I got a massage from a 10 once. I’m trying to start up a shitty web series on YouTube where I’m lucky to get my talented high school friends— who I haven’t spoken to in forever— to guest spot. There was also that thing in Broad Ripple the officer was so kind as to turn his head for. (Good looking Officer J. Jones!!!) But you know what I haven’t done yet…?

I’m not saying he’s getting my vote though…

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